Six Trash Bags to Clarity

Cluttered. It is one of the most damaging states, physically and emotionally. We often speak of clutter as something tangible, yet how can the mind remain clear when the space around it is not?

Rancho Palos Verdes, California

Over the past year, clutter invaded both my space and my mind as I navigated a workplace shaped by toxic management. It seeped in emotionally before manifesting physically. Fatigue and labile hypertension drained me, stealing my ability to be intentional with my time and surroundings. On weekends, I found myself trapped in bed, fast asleep. Movement that had once been effortless and woven into my daily rhythm disappeared, and with it went the balance I had worked so hard to maintain.

I told myself I was doing okay, that resting when my body demanded it was enough. And yes, we must listen to our bodies. But I also praised myself for letting unfinished tasks linger, for abandoning healthy routines, for ignoring the agenda that once anchored my days. I congratulated myself for being flexible with time, even as my days blurred under exhaustion and frustration.

I was not okay. It is okay to not be okay, but remaining there is different. I had allowed toxicity to seep into my time, my space, and my health. I became sick, physically and emotionally. The toxicity seeped inward, and the clutter that followed began to distort who I am.

I often say that when we want change, it must begin within ourselves, even when we are not the perpetrator. I needed change. So I threw myself into a three-day marathon of cleaning, rearranging, and reorganizing.

Rather than escaping the city during more than ten days out of the office, I stayed with my parents over Christmas and then returned to my space to reset. Except for a handful of drawers, every object came out of closets, the refrigerator, cabinets, shelves, and bins. My closet was thinned and organized, first by color and then by category. Bowls and dishes were repositioned so they could be seen. Small appliances were moved to reclaim counter space. I found objects I had kept for no reason other than the belief that I might need them someday.

Nothing was spared. If an item had not been used in a year and was not seasonal, it went into a trash bag. The sense of freedom was familiar. I had felt it more than a decade ago when I reduced my belongings to two large suitcases and a purse in pursuit of minimalism.

We hold onto objects out of fear. Fear of needing them. Fear of missing them. Fear of having less. Worse, we hold onto things that are meaningless to us because of their perceived value to others. Who wants to be seen as lacking compared to someone else?

We do the same with emotions, often clinging more tightly to unhealthy ones than healthy ones. Unhealthy emotions are not wrong. They are signals. They ask us to pause, to change direction, to recognize patterns. We cannot change others. It is like driving a car. When the light turns red, you press the brake. When there is a hazard in the road, you steer around it.

So why do we not do the same with our emotional lives? Why do we stay in unhealthy emotions longer than necessary, allow them to intensify, and react instead of respond? We hold onto them as both a crutch and a shield. At times, it is easier to remain emotionally unwell than to change. Isn’t it easier to blame someone else than to look at yourself in the mirror?

I felt suffocated as items spread across my space, waiting to be returned, rearranged, or discarded. It was not until the filled trash bags were taken to the bin that I felt free. In that moment, I realized the physical clutter I had accumulated for countless reasons had grown from unhealthy emotions that blocked my ability to live life rather than simply survive another day.

Try it.

If you feel like you are always chasing but never fulfilled.
If you are more anxious than serene.
If you feel like you are surviving another day rather than living a life.
If you feel more hopeless than hopeful.
If you are simply exhausted and frustrated.

Fill six trash bags from your space and take them out. Free yourself from the clutter. Then set new intentions to remain clutter-free, both physically and emotionally.

_____

More essays:

Chaos Among Serendipity

Vermont & 8th

Are We Living in 1864?

Culling.

It Happens All the Time.

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