And Just Like That, It Isn't Easy Being Us

1998! It was many lifetimes ago when Sex and the City entered my life. I've learned, changed, discovered, evolved, and hit the reset button many times since Sex and the City debuted on HBO back in 1998. The person I was then wouldn't recognize today's me, but Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte have remained with me through its six seasons, two movies and... And Just Like That. 

Sex and the City fabulously flourished for a quarter of a century as Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte learned, changed, discovered and evolved as all of us did. We empathized with their heartbreaks and celebrated their wins. We saw ourselves in all four women. I saw myself in each of them, at times uncomfortable with the reflection.

I haven't always agreed with the stories they told... I couldn't understand how Carrie, who had romanticized Paris, didn't go to Paris until Aleksandr invited her. She was in Paris, but she settled herself to be lonely and bored. I always wondered why she didn't hop on a train to explore France beyond Paris and even other countries. The train ride from Paris to London is less than three hours. Amsterdam is about three hours by train from Paris. Did she sabotage her days in Paris because she needed an excuse to return to New York to be with Big, aka John, without seeming to abandon Aleksandr for Big? 

Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash

I got her obsession with Big, even through their affair while he was married to Natasha and she was with Aiden. Sometimes, the voice from our hearts is much louder than from our brains. I got her when she returned to him even after he broke her heart on their wedding day. When she took the blame or at least a part of it, I was disappointed. Don't enough of us do self-blame when men inflict damage on us?

Does Carrie self-sabotage? I don't consider her an emotional masochist although her tenacity for Big felt more self-harming rather than an act of love at times. That story of if a woman gives a man endless chances, then he will eventually love her like she desires to be loved. That fairytale was shattered by Carrie when she questioned if Big had been a mistake after Aiden returned to her life. Sometimes, we emotionally live in our past rather than living the moments we are in. Something that I am working on to be healthier, letting the past be in the past and aligning my emotions to today. 

Is Carrie a hoarder? We all know that she is a hoarder when it comes to fashion, but is she an emotional hoarder? Aiden hadn't changed much. His bullish ways... He is gentle in his approach, but he just moves forward with "everything is rainbows and unicorns" shades on when there are signs of trouble. He hadn't learned that plowing through red signs destroys rather than prevailing. She was attracted to the same man whom she couldn't see herself married to and cheated on with Big. With Big gone, did she just recycle the feelings of her past because it was less frightening than searching for new love? 

And why do we have to be with someone to be happy? I'm happy being a party of one. I have moments of it would be nice to share, but don't couples at times wish for moments of solitude? Not every moment can be bliss with rainbows and unicorns. Samantha showed us that satisfaction in life doesn't require a man in our lives.

At times, Samantha was too much. I appreciated her unapologetically seeking sexual gratification. I loved her for showing that sex is a pleasurable physical act and intimacy is sex with emotional connections, and neither is wrong. She showed up with vulnerability when in love and revealed that the sexual desires of women don't make her incapable of love. She showed us sex without transaction, but rather as a pure form of pleasure.

I was sad when Samantha was written off on And Just Like That. I didn't appreciate how she was portrayed as having fled to London to avoid the humiliation of being fired by Carrie. Samantha is much stronger than that and I hope she comes back to New York for Season Three although we may have to wait a bit for the strikes to end and the dusts settle from them. 

I didn't mind Miranda being a lesbian. She may be a pansexual. None of that bothered me as she ended her marriage with Steve to be with Che. I just didn't like Che. One word... Obnoxious. I found her to be refreshing with "I am who I am" and "I do me" attitudes at first. She felt immature without realizing that she is the center of her universe but she isn't the center of the universe we coexist in.

Of all the characters that remained at the end of Season Two of And Just Like That, Harry and Anthony are my favorites. I loved Harry's reaction to finding out about Rock. His not-so-accepting reaction at first during the parent-teacher meeting felt real. I mean... A parent accepting their child's gender dysphoria without at least some questions or concerns seems aloof rather than loving. Aren't parents allowed to be confused or even disappointed when their daughter is no longer a daughter and sheds the given name? Charlotte and Harry touched on a hot political topic that is being argued in school districts across the nation with care, love and a large dose of reality. Questions, concerns, confusion and even doubts from parents aren't rejections but rather natural human reactions to change toward the unknown and unfamiliar. Just as any human requires time to adjust to changes, parents need time and education rather than being shut out of their child's life. Do we really think that a parent-child relationship can be healthy for a child when that child hides their identified gender from their parents? I mean... Shouldn't we give parents the chance to support their child before blocking the opportunity to accept and meaningfully be a parent to their child? 

Anthony shined with his insecurities and vulnerabilities as he navigated a new love, Giuseppe. It doesn't get any more real than when he fires Giuseppe fueled by his insecurities after learning that Giuseppe is gay. Anthony's attempts to push Giuseppe away... Haven't we done that before? With the lesson gained from Stanford's letter, Anthony opens up (no pun intended) to the unfamiliar in the hope of new love. 

Struggles of love and life... We saw Charlotte return to work while Harry, Lily and Rock struggled to adjust. Lisa's struggle between work and pregnancy ended in heartbreak. The loss... The guilt... All seem real with a reminder that there are times when there are no good solutions but just unfortunate circumstances.

A lot more happened, including with Nya and Seema. In its 25 years, its success and relevance remained strong because it showed that relationships and life are dimensional with different perspectives and varying stories. We as individuals are complex with different experiences that shape us to be unique with multiple layers of confidence and insecurities. It isn't easy being us, but we keep living to our best because life happens just like that.