And Just Like That, It Isn’t Easy Being Us

1998. It was several lifetimes ago when Sex and the City entered my life. I've learned, changed, discovered, evolved, and hit the reset button many times since Sex and the City debuted on HBO back in 1998. The person I was then wouldn't recognize who I am today, but Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte have remained with me through six seasons, two films, and—And Just Like That.

While at the Terra Farm + Manor

Sex and the City flourished for nearly a quarter of a century, as Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte learned, discovered, changed, and evolved—as all of us did. We empathized with their heartbreaks and celebrated their wins. We saw ourselves in all four women. I saw myself in each of them, sometimes uncomfortably so.

I haven't always agreed with the stories they told. For instance, I couldn't understand how Carrie, who had romanticized Paris, didn't go to Paris until Aleksandr invited her. She was in Paris, but she seemed to settle into loneliness and boredom. I always wondered why she didn't hop on a train to explore France beyond Paris, or even other countries. The train ride from Paris to London is less than three hours. Amsterdam is about three hours by train from Paris. Did she sabotage her days in Paris because she needed an excuse to return to New York to be with Big—John—without seeming to abandon Aleksandr for him?

I understood her obsession with Big, even through their affair while he was married to Natasha and she was with Aiden. Sometimes, the voice from our hearts is much louder than the one from our minds. I understood her when she returned to him even after he broke her heart on their wedding day. When she took the blame, or at least part of it, I was disappointed. Don't enough of us internalize blame when men inflict damage on us?

Does Carrie self-sabotage? I don't consider her an emotional masochist, although her tenacity for Big often felt less like love and more like self-harm. That story—that if a woman gives a man endless chances, he will eventually love her as she desires—is a familiar fiction. That fairytale was shattered when Carrie questioned whether Big had been a mistake after Aiden returned to her life. Sometimes, we live emotionally in the past rather than inhabiting the present. It is something I continue to work on—allowing the past to remain where it belongs while aligning my emotions with the present.

Is Carrie a hoarder? We all know she is a hoarder when it comes to fashion, but is she an emotional hoarder? Aiden hadn't changed much. His insistence on forward motion—gentle, but unyielding—remained intact. He moved through life with “everything is rainbows and unicorns” optimism, even when there were signs of trouble. He hadn't learned that pushing through red flags often destroys rather than resolves. She was drawn again to the same man she couldn't see herself marrying—the same man she had once betrayed with Big. With Big gone, did she simply recycle the feelings of her past because it was less frightening than searching for something new?

And why do we have to be with someone to be happy? I'm happy being a party of one. I have moments when sharing would be nice, but don't couples, at times, wish for solitude? Not every moment can be bliss filled with rainbows and unicorns. Samantha showed us that satisfaction in life doesn't require a man.

At times, Samantha was too much. I appreciated her unapologetic pursuit of sexual gratification. I loved her for showing that sex is a pleasurable physical act, while intimacy is sex with emotional connection—and neither is wrong. She showed up with vulnerability when in love and revealed that a woman’s sexual desire does not make her incapable of love. She showed us sex not as transaction, but as pure pleasure.

I was sad when Samantha was written off on And Just Like That. I didn't appreciate how she was portrayed as having fled to London to avoid the humiliation of being fired by Carrie. Samantha is much stronger than that, and I hoped she would return to New York for Season Three, although we may have to wait as industry strikes continue and the dust settles.

I didn't mind Miranda being a lesbian—or perhaps pansexual. None of that bothered me as she ended her marriage with Steve to be with Che. I didn’t like Che. At times, she read as more performative than self-assured. I initially found her refreshing, with an “I am who I am” and “I do me” attitude. But that confidence began to feel less like clarity and more like immaturity—an assumption that being the center of one’s own universe extends to the one we all share.

Of all the characters who remained at the end of Season Two of And Just Like That, Harry and Anthony are my favorites. I loved Harry's reaction to finding out about Rock. His not-so-accepting reaction at first during the parent-teacher meeting felt real. A parent’s immediate acceptance without questions or hesitation can feel less like engagement and more like distance. Isn’t it human for parents to experience confusion—or even a sense of loss—when their understanding of their child shifts so fundamentally?

Charlotte and Harry approached a deeply contested issue—one being argued across school districts nationwide—with care, love, and a measure of reality. Questions, concerns, confusion, and even doubt from parents are not necessarily rejection, but often reflect the human response to unfamiliar change. Just as anyone requires time to adjust, parents may need time and understanding rather than demand for immediate acceptance. What does it mean for a parent-child relationship when time for understanding is replaced with threat of exclusion? And should there be space for parents to arrive at acceptance, rather than being denied the opportunity to fully engage in their child’s life?

Anthony stood out most in his vulnerability, particularly as he navigated a new relationship with Giuseppe. It doesn't get more real than firing someone you care about, fueled by insecurity, only to realize what you’ve lost. Haven't we all, at some point, pushed someone away out of fear? With the lesson from Stanford's letter, Anthony opens himself—no pun intended—to something unfamiliar, in the hope of something better.

The struggles of love and life persisted. We saw Charlotte return to work while Harry, Lily, and Rock struggled to adjust. Lisa's struggle between career and pregnancy ended in heartbreak. The loss, the guilt—it all felt real, a reminder that sometimes there are no good choices, only difficult ones.

A great deal more unfolded, including the stories of Nya and Seema. In its twenty-five years, the series has remained relevant because it understands that life is layered, contradictory, and deeply personal. We are shaped by our experiences, carrying both confidence and insecurity in equal measure. It isn’t easy being us—but we keep going, because life unfolds, quietly and unexpectedly, just like that.

_____

More essays:

Donald Trump and His 74 Million American Voters

Are We Abusing Self-Care?

Because We Don’t Live in a Perfect World

Breaking of Invisible Minorities

I'll Pass on Forgiveness

ESSAYS | RECIPES | STYLES | IG

Comments

Confessions of a Former Poll Worker

The last federal election I recall working at the polls was on November 8, 2016. I was assigned to Los Feliz, often frequented by actors and musicians who lived in the lush hills above the neighborhood. I remember one particular actor from The Big Bang Theory who kept asking me if I really did not recognize him after I asked for his name. At the time, he was more of an annoyance as the line stretched out of the building and around the corner, and no, I had no idea who he was. Even after another volunteer whispered to me who he was, I just shrugged. He would still have to identify himself. I did not ask him for an identification card, which would have been illegal in California at the time. I asked for his name so I could locate him in the poll book for him to sign. Norton Simon Museum, Pasadena, California It became clear a few hours before the polls closed in California that Trump had won and that the hope of electing the first female President of the United States had collapsed. No...

Korean Gal's Guatemalan Red Beans with Pork Spare Ribs

Full transparency. I am afraid of pressure cookers. It is a fear instilled in me by my mom, a quiet but effective deterrent meant to keep me at a safe distance—especially when the pressure is being released. Reasonable? Perhaps. I would consider a therapist, but it has been years since I have needed one. Ceramic bowl was wheel-thrown and glazed by me. When I saw the Pressure Cooker Guatemalan Red Beans with Beef Short Ribs recipe in The World Central Kitchen Cookbook: Feeding Humanity, Feeding Hope , I knew I had to make a version of my own—one that did not require a pressure cooker. I also wanted the ingredients to feel simpler, more accessible. More importantly, I wanted the dish to center the red beans, rather than have them overshadowed by the richness of beef short ribs. This is not a bean stew, but a slow braise—one that relies on the gradual release of moisture from the ingredients themselves. So, changes were made—and thus, the name: Korean Gal’s Guatemalan Red Beans with P...

Carrot et Celery Ribbon Salad

Salade de carottes râpées carries the kind of understated elegance that French home cooking does so well: grated carrots dressed simply with vinaigrette, brightened with lemon, Dijon mustard, parsley, and sometimes a touch of shallot. It is neither elaborate nor fussy, yet that simplicity is precisely what makes it timeless. Crisp, earthy, lightly acidic, and quietly refreshing, the salad is often served alongside delicate white fish fillets prepared meunière-style, pan-fried in butter and finished with lemon and parsley, where its brightness cuts through the richness without overwhelming the plate. Borrowing from salade de carottes râpées, Carrot et Celery Ribbon Salad takes a slightly different form. The carrots and celery are ribboned with a vegetable peeler rather than shredded, allowing the vegetables to hold more texture and shape. The celery, in particular, adds a fresh crispness that cuts through the sweetness of the carrots, giving the salad a lighter, cleaner bite. INGREDIENT...

All Is Not Fair in Marriage, But Should You At Least Get Some Justice?

Marriage is complicated. It requires more than love to sustain it. Divorce is a lot more complicated. It is rare for a single reason alone to cause a divorce, at least for most of us. I used to get offended when people inquired about why I divorced. That offense itself was layered with a need for privacy, the rawness of processing emotional injuries, and the reality that I did not know why he left. The only certainty was that I couldn't trust him anymore. It took more than a decade for me to openly talk about it. I am amused by Heather Ammel v. Kyrsten Sinema . It has all the elements of a good Lifetime movie: a cheating husband, a former U.S. senator, and an allegedly devastated wife. It extends beyond emotion, with legal questions unfolding as former Senator Kyrsten Sinema seeks dismissal on the grounds that while the affair happened, it did not happen in North Carolina, and therefore the state law forming the basis of the lawsuit is out of its jurisdiction. In North Carolin...

Should Los Angeles Remain a Sanctuary City?

I was coming out of a lovely restaurant in Downtown L.A.—Le Petit Paris. My Uber was waiting across the street, annoyingly parked on the wrong side of a one-way road. As I approached, a homeless man was shouting at the car. The driver didn’t move. Did he not realize I would have to walk right past a screaming, clearly distressed man just to get in? View of Los Angeles As soon as I closed the door, the driver apologized. He wasn’t sure he should even be driving. After his last ride in Old Town Pasadena, a homeless man had thrown something at his car, damaging it. He was still shaken. A few weeks earlier, someone had hurled a brick—or something like it—through his parked car window. For someone who drives full-time for rideshare, every dent or crack isn’t just an inconvenience; it’s a financial crisis. As an Angeleno, I’m often told I’m a rarity—I don’t drive. I gave up my car and license over a decade ago. I walk, take the Metro, and use rideshare. In many ways, I see more of this cit...

It Happens All the Time.

I have lived in Los Angeles for more than four decades. I slept in a van the night following the 1994 Northridge earthquake, which killed 57, injured more than 9,000, and caused over $13 billion in property damage. Some have published economic losses as high as $50 billion. View of Los Angeles from Runyon Canyon I was no different from many Angelenos. Wildfires and mudslides in our coastal and hillside neighborhoods were an inconvenience met with indifference. We saw them as a consequence of living with gorgeous views. Wildfires and mudslides could not have been much of a concern for those who bought and lived in high-risk communities. To claim otherwise would be obtuse, especially for those who owned properties without homeowner's insurance. That is like driving a car without insurance, even if the state lawfully allows it. I live among Progressives—people who claim to care about the environment, inclusiveness, and equality. I voted for Vice President Kamala Harris in the last pre...

Curated: Summer 2026 Style Makers

A change in season shouldn't require us to abandon the past that resides in our closets, but rather the addition of a piece or two to elevate our style for the upcoming season. With fast fashion, digital creators, and influencers, we have gotten lost in the chaos of “new,” “more,” and “outfit of the day,” as though something new every day itself is fashionable. Cancún, Mexico Fashion, one's style, is not and cannot be always new. One's style is a reflection of our personality, mood, and perception of ourselves. It is quite unrealistic and damaging to one's mental wellness if the expectation is to change every day—brand new everything. It is also very damaging to the earth, as pointed out in Guilt of Disposable Fashion . Fashion, style, is about curation—a collection that reflects our individualism rather than a bin of polyester. As summer approaches and you are taking inventory of the summer pieces in your closet and are in need of one or two pieces to elevate your styl...

Sweet & Spicy Chicken Drumsticks

Sweetness is most compelling when it follows heat. In cooking, it is a matter of balance; in life, a matter of survival. There are moments that feel less like hardship and more like an inferno—consuming, disorienting, and undeserved. We endure them not because we are prepared, but because there is no alternative. And even when the outcome falls short of what we were owed, something quieter can still emerge on the other side: a sweetness that is not victory, but reprieve. There are times when justice has to be redefined. We are taught to imagine it as consequence or vindication, yet lived experience often demands something more modest and more urgent. Sometimes justice is simply the ability to move forward without fear. To exist without bracing. To reclaim ordinary days. In those moments, sweetness is not indulgent—it is necessary. When this Sweet & Spicy Chicken Drumsticks recipe was developed, it felt like a translation of that tension. The heat was unmistakable. The sweetness...

Summer Capsule: Flip Flops et Sandals

Flip-flops and sandals once lived at the margins of style—practical, unassuming, and rarely invited into conversations about taste. They belonged to errands, beach days, and the quiet acceptance of comfort over consideration. To wear them beyond those boundaries felt, at best, indifferent and, at worst, careless. Kāʻanapali Beach, Maui Something shifted. What was once dismissed as too casual began to be reexamined through a different lens—one that values restraint over excess. Designers pared them down to their essentials, and in doing so, revealed a kind of clarity: clean lines, deliberate simplicity, and an ease that resists overthinking. In a landscape saturated with structure and embellishment, sandals and flip-flops offered something quietly radical—absence as intention. Now, they move with purpose through spaces that once excluded them—paired with tailored trousers, anchored beneath sharp silhouettes, and integrated into wardrobes that understand proportion and balance. They no l...

Jeju Linguine al Nero di Seppia: Gochujang Squid Pasta

Off the southern coast of the Korean peninsula lies Jeju Island, a place where the sea shapes both livelihood and cuisine. Among its prized catches is Jeju squid, known for its clean sweetness and tender bite—qualities that have long made it a favorite in Korean kitchens. Whether grilled over charcoal or gently simmered in spicy stews, Jeju squid carries the unmistakable flavor of the surrounding waters. Ceramic bowl was wheel-thrown and glazed by me. This dish brings that ingredient into a conversation between two culinary traditions. Linguine al nero di seppia, the Italian pasta tinted black with squid ink, becomes the canvas for a sauce layered with Korean flavors. The foundation begins with olive oil, onion, and garlic, followed by white wine and tomato paste that deepen in color as they cook. Then comes gochujang, whose fermented heat introduces the unmistakable character of Korean cooking. What makes the dish sing, however, is its balance. The richness of butter softens the inten...

Exhaling Life

Search This Blog