Picking it up with Gochujang Baby Back Ribs

The last four weeks have been difficult. I have been struggling to manage the symptoms of depression while juggling serious issues at work and at home. When life becomes overwhelming, it can be hard to tell whether the weight comes from circumstance or from the illness itself. After weeks of pushing through, I felt a profound sense of hopelessness this past weekend. Dark thoughts crept in. The kind that whisper you should surrender, that enduring one more day, hour, or minute feels impossible.

Baby back ribs served with cucumber salad and mac 'n cheese

Those whispers can be strange companions. Melancholy. Almost comforting. They tell you there is no reason to live. And yet, just as insistently, they offer no reason to die. What I feel, how I feel, and whatever darkness is unfolding in my life are not permanent. Holding onto that truth, I refuse to let those thoughts become my final moment.

Reminding myself that it is okay to be not okay, I am here again, picking myself up and returning to the work of managing depression. For me, that means staying tethered to small, ordinary acts. It means focusing on passion projects and daily tasks, finding balance within the mundaneness of life. Not to escape the darkness, but to steady myself within it.

Cooking helps quiet the whispers. Last night, I made abalone bigoli, though the recipe still needs refining. Instead, I am sharing this baby back ribs recipe, developed during a period of deep obsession with gochujang, Korean pepper paste. This is food that asks for time and attention, and gives back something grounding in return.

INGREDIENTS
[serves 3 to 4 as a main course]
three pounds of baby back ribs, membrane removed

for rub
a half teaspoon of crushed red pepper
a half teaspoon of garlic salt
a half teaspoon of fennel seed
a half teaspoon of oregano
a half teaspoon of chili powder
a half teaspoon of onion powder
a half teaspoon of creole seasoning

for sauce
two tablespoons of gochujang
three garlic cloves, roughly chopped
one tablespoon of soy sauce
four tablespoons of green plum extract
one tablespoon of raspberry pulp vinegar
five tablespoons of tomato paste
one tablespoon of honey
two tablespoons of maple syrup

In a bowl, mix all ingredients listed for the rub and massage evenly onto the prepared baby back ribs. Cover and refrigerate for at least four hours and no longer than twenty-four hours.

Preheat the oven to 300°F. In a separate bowl, mix all ingredients listed for the sauce. Divide the sauce evenly between two bowls. Cover and refrigerate one portion, reserving it for serving.


Place the ribs on a flat rack inside a roasting pan and transfer to the oven. After 30 minutes, remove the ribs, generously brush with sauce, and return them to the oven. Reduce the oven temperature to 275°F.

After another 30 minutes, remove the ribs, lightly brush with sauce, and return them to the oven. After one hour, remove the ribs again, generously brush with sauce, and return them to the oven. Repeat once more after 30 minutes, then cook for an additional 30 to 60 minutes, until the ribs are tender and fully cooked.

Remove from the oven and let rest for about 10 minutes before serving with the reserved refrigerated sauce.

Enjoy.

P.S. Please call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, if you are experiencing an emotional crisis.

_____
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