Lost in Gender Identification & Sexuality

Nearly 500 anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been introduced in state legislatures so far this year, according to the Associated Press, with at least 17 states passing laws that restrict or ban gender-affirming care for transgender minors. At a time when cases of gender dysphoria among adolescents are drawing heightened attention, the question of gender-affirming care has become less a matter of human dignity and more a battlefield of political polarization.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

The word intolerance has lingered in my mind since the night Mr. Donald Trump won the presidential election in 2016. It was a heartbreaking moment to watch 62,985,106 Americans cast their votes for a man whose rhetoric toward minorities and protected classes had so often been steeped in hostility. Nearly 46 percent of American voters supported him, delivering 306 electoral votes and the presidency.

Nearly seven years later, perhaps we should not be surprised that LGBTQ+ communities are increasingly framed as a threat to children and adolescents — sometimes spoken of with greater alarm than gun violence.

Gender identity has been on my mind lately. The truth is, I am largely indifferent to how others identify. Life — even a life that appears simple from the outside — carries its own shadows. My instinct is to focus on tending to my own well-being rather than becoming agitated over how someone else understands themselves. As a former therapist once asked me during a moment of anxious overthinking: “What’s it to you?”

And yet the subject lingers.

Because denying someone the ability to express and live according to their identity is, fundamentally, a denial of human rights. There is no elegant way to soften that reality. At the same time, the recent rise in gender dysphoria among adolescents raises questions worth examining, including discussions about whether social influences play a role — a possibility explored in Psychology Today. But acknowledging complexity does not erase a basic principle: individuals have the right to define and live their own identities.

For those inclined to frame the debate through religion, I would offer a reminder. The United States was founded on the principle of separating church and state. That separation protects the freedom to practice religion, but it also protects the government from being governed by religious doctrine. When religion is removed from the policymaking equation, what remains is a question of human rights.

Much of the public anxiety surrounding gender identity stems from unfamiliarity. Fear of what we do not understand has helped spread misinformation about gender identity and sexuality, fueling protests from parents who oppose discussions of these topics in schools.

I often wonder what those parents imagine will replace that education. If schools are silent, where will children learn? From TikTok? From social media algorithms? From whispers in hallways?

Suppressing discussion does not erase identity. Attempting to prevent young people from exploring who they are often does more harm than protection, particularly when mental health is involved.

Instead of teaching children how to approach difference with empathy, curiosity, and compassion, we risk teaching them something far less generous: that those who differ from us should be judged, excluded, or pushed into silence.

We risk teaching them that happiness is acceptable only when it conforms to the expectations of the majority.

And that is a cruel lesson to pass along.

In our fixation on gender identity and sexuality, we seem to be losing sight of something more fundamental. What ultimately matters is not how someone identifies, but who they are — the character they bring to the world and the humanity they extend to others.

Gender and sexuality do not determine a person’s worth.

The measure of our humanity lies in whether we allow others the freedom to live their lives with dignity, even when their lives look different from our own.

_____
More essays:
Culpability in Mr. Jordan Neely's Death
Why Are We Not Fighting the Right Battles When It Comes to Women’s Rights?
When Positive Culture Becomes Toxic Dump
Was I Wrong to Have Accused White Men?
Are You Hustling?

ESSAYS | RECIPES | STYLES | IG

Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow is Aloof, So What Are You?

There are days when I feel utterly disconnected from the world. It took an IG feed from Diet Prada for me to learn that Gwyneth Paltrow had starred in an ad for 51 Park, a luxury residential development in Herzliya, Israel. Herzliya is an affluent coastal city north of Tel Aviv, and the project is being marketed as a luxury residential development there. To be clear, 51 Park is not in Gaza. It is in Israel. But precision does not make the geography innocent: parts of present-day Herzliya overlap with or sit near the land of al-Haram, also known as Sidna Ali, a Palestinian Arab village depopulated in 1948. Lisbon, Portugal There is misinformation about where the 51 Park residential development is located, and the distinction matters. If our beating of Gwyneth Paltrow is going to be effective, it should at least be accurate. I have never liked her. I have never hated her. Even before the 51 Park ad controversy broke, I felt she was irrelevant. Her acting skills are not impressive. Would ...

Will Love Give Us the Courage to Let Our Dad Go?

I believe the cruelest thing a human can experience is burying their child. While the only thing guaranteed in life, from the moment we take our first breath to our last, is death, for a parent to bury a child is not the natural progression of life. For more than six years, I have watched my Dad go through rounds of chemotherapy, years of dialysis, emergency room visits, and hospitalizations where doctors advised against further medical treatment—until my brother vehemently fought for it. If you ever need a medical advocate, you should hire him. Perhaps it is the lawyer in him that convinces doctors to shift their medical opinions. My Dad asked, and my brother passionately advocated for him for days so he could receive his first round of chemotherapy more than six years ago, which the doctor at first refused to administer since it was an unusual treatment for his autoimmune disease. He would have passed away within a matter of months without it. He did squats after his first chemothera...

Curated: Summer Dresses

In my late thirties, I wore a mini knitted dress as a mini knitted dress, which felt perfectly reasonable until my fifties arrived and I found myself styling it differently. Now, the same dress has been reassigned as a long top because a very short hemline eventually starts to feel less like a fashion choice and more like a risk-management exercise, with increasing odds of revealing far more than was ever intended. This is the peculiar elegance of getting older: the skirt may lengthen, the styling may sharpen, and the reveal becomes less about inches and more about instinct. Brunch at Coastal Kitchen Monterey I kept that in mind as my curation for summer dresses began. Mini dresses were not exiled from the curation, but I shifted the focus toward those of us who have reached expert-level proficiency in risk assessment, even as our sense of style has only sharpened. UTCOCO Lapel Shirt Dress JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content. ROMANTICTOU...

Quick Fire Stir-Fry Beef

Time is always fluid. It never holds for more than a second, carrying us from the present into the next. I feel rushed at times, even when there is neither expectation nor commitment—only an impatient anxiety, as though I am about to run out of time. This sense of urgency often pressures me to neglect myself, to overlook the quiet moments within my own space, both mental and physical—the small pleasures that offer comfort and serenity... the simple act of slowing down with ordinary things that allow me to feel lived. Bowls were wheel-thrown and glazed by me. For me, that is cooking. As much as I enjoy dining out, cooking allows me to decompress and reset. The ritual—focusing on the ingredients, the process, the rhythm—at times releases me from the chaos that consumes me. There is a quiet satisfaction in savoring a meal of my own making, held within the calm of my space. The dishes don’t have to be opulent. A simple dish, like this Quick Fire Stir-Fry Beef, offers a gentle pause—a brief...

Culpability in Mr. Jordan Neely's Death

It had been a hellish two months. I am not quite ready to share that story, but I can say with some serenity that it is now behind me. On my way home from one of my solo dinners — a book in hand, celebrating the quiet return of civility to my life — the Lyft paused in traffic in front of 1313 W. 8th Street. The building houses the ACLU, one of the NGOs I once supported. The past tense there is a longer story for another time. Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash Above the entrance is painted a list of demands: housing, healthcare, green space — all reasonable things a society should strive to provide. At the very bottom of the list, just above the ACLU sign, the words “More Police” have been crossed out. The sight of it brought to mind the death of Mr. Jordan Neely and the man who restrained him on a New York City subway train, Mr. Daniel Penny. You may not have heard of Mr. Jordan Neely. He died before reaching thirty-one years of age. At the time of his death, he was on New York City’...

The Egg Salad Sandwich

Cheap, filling, and easy to make. Those qualities are likely what made the egg salad sandwich a staple, though the origins of egg salad itself remain somewhat humble and blurred by time. While chopped or dressed boiled eggs appeared in European cooking long before the modern egg salad sandwich, it did not officially emerge until mayonnaise entered French cuisine in the early nineteenth century. Curiously, the invention of the egg salad sandwich is not credited to the French but rather to the British or Americans, depending on which culinary historian you ask. I've always preferred a little punch and a less-is-more philosophy when it comes to ingredients, so my version of the egg salad sandwich leans heavily on flavor rather than excess. In fact, it is even better after a few hours in the refrigerator, when the ingredients have had time to mingle and deepen one another. INGREDIENTS three eggs, boiled, diced, and chopped a celery stalk, finely diced a quarter of a shallot, finely d...

Are We Really Living Our Best Life?

I don't drive, something I gave up while incorporating minimalism into my lifestyle. I have a fixed utility bill, not including the internet, because I live in a building that is over 100 years old. I am a party of one, without even a fur baby, so the grocery bills are minimal, especially since I am on a diet. It may not feel like it if you follow me on IG Stories, but I've lost fifteen pounds as I type this. So far, I haven't felt the sticker shock of the brinkmanship war in the Strait of Hormuz. Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena, California I know I live in a bubble. I am sure I am impacted, but I haven't felt the punch yet because a rapid rate of consumption is not part of my life, though I have defaulted to it whenever my life has been invaded by the obliviously prejudiced, triggering traumatic stress. While the mindless and ignorant are unavoidable, I eventually retreat to my bubble to heal and reset, making the damaging party persona non grata. As a former therapist...

Spicy Pork From Korean to Mexican

You can find marinated spicy pork in most Korean grocery stores, and it is very difficult to go wrong with it. I say, cook smart, not hard. Spicy pork is one of my favorites because of its versatility. Serve it as part of a traditional, food-coma-inducing Korean spread with steamed cabbage, rice, and ssamjang for wraps. Or tuck it into tacos with fresh greens and shaved Asiago. Korean to Mexican, one pan. If you don’t have a Korean grocery store nearby, here is my version — a recipe I’ve modified and tweaked for nearly thirty years. Yes, I’ve been making this since I was a teenager. INGREDIENTS [serves 3 to 4 as a main course] one and a half pounds of sliced pork butt one tablespoon of cane sugar one tablespoon of gochujang one tablespoon of tamari one tablespoon of minced garlic one tablespoon of green plum extract one teaspoon of minced ginger one teaspoon of Korean red pepper flakes one teaspoon of sesame oil five green onions, diced a half of yellow onion, chopped In a large bowl...

Confessions of a Former Poll Worker

The last federal election I recall working at the polls was on November 8, 2016. I was assigned to Los Feliz, often frequented by actors and musicians who lived in the lush hills above the neighborhood. I remember one particular actor from The Big Bang Theory who kept asking me if I really did not recognize him after I asked for his name. At the time, he was more of an annoyance as the line stretched out of the building and around the corner, and no, I had no idea who he was. Even after another volunteer whispered to me who he was, I just shrugged. He would still have to identify himself. I did not ask him for an identification card, which would have been illegal in California at the time. I asked for his name so I could locate him in the poll book for him to sign. Norton Simon Museum, Pasadena, California It became clear a few hours before the polls closed in California that Trump had won and that the hope of electing the first female President of the United States had collapsed. No...

Summer Capsule: Linen

Linen began not as luxury, but survival. Long before it softened into breezy trousers and coastal summer dresses, it was woven from the fibers inside the flax plant, one of the oldest cultivated textiles in human history. Archaeological discoveries of dyed flax fibers in Georgia’s Dzudzuana Cave suggest humans were manipulating wild flax as far back as 30,000 BCE. By ancient Egypt, linen had transformed from practical material into a cultural symbol. Its whiteness and breathability made it ideal for desert climates, but it also became associated with purity, ritual, and status. Priests wore linen for religious ceremonies, the dead were wrapped in fine linen for mummification, and the “Fine Linen of Egypt” circulated as both a luxury and a diplomatic offering among monarchs. Morning walk, Kauai, Hawaii Its path from field to fabric partly explains why linen carried prestige for centuries. Unlike cotton, flax demanded an intensely laborious process: pulling the plant from the ground to...

Exhaling Life

Search This Blog